Giraffe
I spent most of my life being afraid of what others would say about me. I spent most of my life cringing at the thought that if I spoke my mind, others would speak against it. I spent the majority of my time worrying about those who weren’t even on my level, not approving of what my level said to me and what I said to the world. I always felt misunderstood and always felt out of place. And that insecurity created a pattern of embarrassment and shame, that attached itself to just about anything I did. I was always worried about how others perceived me – if they could use my weaknesses to prove my unworthiness. I would be afraid to try new things for fear of looking foolish while learning. I would not attempt things for fear of failing, along the way. I stayed away from anything with a high learning curve. I dropped out before I might lose. And I would always feel stupid after having allowed someone access to me when I was at my worst…or when I was just being me in a way that didn’t make sense to others. I cringed at the thought of someone who knew me during those dark, low points in life, sharing my story from their own, twisted perspective. I winced at the notion that in moments or seasons of fragility or vulnerability (which were many), I gave others the ammunition they would need to launch an assault on me later - tell my story in ways that suited THEM, with little to no consideration for how I actually experienced the story they were retelling. And like TD Jakes, I forfeited many opportunities because I acquiesced to the murmurings of others – mere Turtles who could only see things from their own, limited perspectives. I put my head down over and over again, allowing myself to believe that the Turtles point of view meant something to me as a Giraffe. Not only did I endanger my position by continuously lowering my view, I gave the Turtle more credit than it was worth. The Turtle was just reporting from where it lived – it wasn’t personal. The Turtle had no real power in my world. It was simply giving an honest report - from IT’S perspective. It couldn’t POSSIBLY give one from mine. My destiny was too high for it to ever understand. I was too busy losing consciousness, to see it. . Like my friend and I, I think this is the story for most black women. I think most of us are so busy thinking like Turtles, we don’t realize we are Giraffes. Our vision from up-high never comes to view because we are lowering our heads to meet the gaze of those who vision is right were it is supposed to be. We lower ourselves to the level of The Turtle, who attempts to give a full body report, while only looking at our feet. And then we live our lives ashamed, embarrassed and afraid, because of what that report says. It doesn’t tell the whole story. It only tells it as those BELOW us, see it. Yet some of us spend our whole lives afraid of what it says fearing we will never live it down. . My friend is gone and will never hear the story of The Turtle and The Giraffe. She will never hear this metaphor, and how it answered that heart-felt question she asked me that day. She wont get that second chance…that Life 2.0 that she was hoping for. She wont get the opportunity to see where her beauty and brilliance can take her, when she and SHE alone, tells the world who she is. But its ok. The talks she and I had and the thoughts she shared with me will count as the Legacy to the She that she never got to see. I promised her that I would make sure her wishes were honored, and that I would not allow those who had stolen her voice in her past, to steal it again in her death. And in honor of what she might have been had she realized it before it was too late, I will use what she has taught me as part of MY voice – MY vision, from way up high, to tell OUR stories as like-minded black women, from the TRUTH of OUR perspective. I will feed other Giraffes like me, from the tops of the trees - not the grass of the turtles. That food is not for us. . That food is not for Us. . The turtle reports from her world view. The Giraffe reports from Hers. Dont be mad when the turtle doesnt understand your world view. Dont offer up explanations and excuses and complaints. Dont run to explain or feel bad when others believe what they say. Dont feel embarrassed when others have spoken about or for you in ways that dont tell the whole story or skew its ending. And dont believe that what they report trumps what you have lived and know to be true. Find the heart to stand up for yourselves before its too late. My friend was the age of many of us here. She was a young woman. She didnt get the chance to do it again. Dont waste yours the first time. We only have limited time on this earth. Live your life from where you TRULY are. Dont lower your gaze to that of The Turtle. Dont worry about the stories it tells in your name. Dont worry about looking foolish or messing up or getting it wrong. Dont be afraid of what The Turtle reports. It is not on YOUR level. Dont try to adjust your diet to the grass of those beneath you. Be the Giraffe you were born to be. Be The She that YOU want to see and fuck all the rest. The air up high is the rarest kind. Its exactly where you are supposed to be.”
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